January 11, 2007

Winter hibernation...


It is a cold winter post-dusk evening at Mica...The cool air manages to seep in through the layers of woollens and chill you to the very bone. With placements looming over my head like the proverbial sacrificial sword, the cold seems to be almost a way to numb oneself to the more pressing questions of the future. Its amazing how so many varied and utterly nonsensical thoughts swirl through my head at any given point of time. Thoughts about the people that you have spent the last one and a half years loving, hating or ignoring. About the fact that your closest friend is now pegged against you for the job that you may give anything to get. I find myself questioning the so called 'passion' with which I entered the Mican dream. Will any of this even matter when I am a doddering old lady I wonder? What of this experience will still linger on in the recesses of my mind? Who are the people I shall think about once I leave? Love, hate, anger, exasperation, frustration, sadness, irritation...all linked to people around me. Maybe I just end up thinking too much. As I near the end of my stay at Mica the feeling of not wanting to leave and also looking forward to leaving is almost a constant. Each placement ppt makes me realise the fact that we are getting closer and closer to leaving. One chapter of my life is ending and i so dont want it to end. But then I do too. I dont because Mica is a secluded haven. Away from civilisation, it is a vibrant community that has shown me a life I never knew existed. And I want to go because I seek to escape. Escape painful memories with people I wish I had never met. Escape memories that I would like to forget. And escape to be free...to fade into an unknown oblivion...................................

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. The fact that we are pitted against people we love, like or have no begun to like, is what terrifies me the most.
I dont know how i will react to them or they to me.


-Sonal

Pravahan said...

Very nicely written! Can't agree with you more.

It can, and does become very nostalgic during the last few days (of leaving campus). But then, yes, it is a cliche (and almost beaten track) statement: 'Life just moves on', and believe me, it does. Life moves on, and you'll soon enter another mad world of work and so-called professionalism, and another new world of learning (or unlearning!).

MICA will be past, as does so many of one's historic moments!

Time to move on, young and beautiful lady! :)