March 2, 2006

What is love?

I have been trying to get to the bottom of this one for a long time now, but haven’t yet been able to get a satisfactory answer. Nonetheless I trudge on with a weariness that makes me almost cynical. Growing up on a host of sordid books that claimed that true love would come and sweep you off your feet, I waited for my knight in shining armour to come and rescue me from the clutches of an unfair world. Sounds dramatic eh? But that’s exactly how I perceived it to be. Waiting endlessly did not work (well obviously.. :P) and so I decided to take matters into my own hands…

I thought if love doesn’t find me, I shall! Therefore, off I went on the lookout for that elusive being who would love me. And then, it happened. At the age of 13 I looked at my brother’s friend and fell in love. Or so I thought. I looked at him coyly and started stuttering crazily whenever I met him. I started looking for hints in what could only have been mundane conversations and convinced myself that he had feelings for me too. I built up an entire story in my head about us living happily ever after. Until of course my parents found out. They decided that I was much too young to have an infatuation and I was severely reprimanded for behaving in a manner that was too big for my shoes (wonder where that came from).

So, I stopped thinking about this particular guy but vowed to myself that my parents would not come to know of my feelings for anyone henceforth. And so it stayed. My junior years at college passed without incident until I reached Degree College. In my first few days in college itself I saw someone who literally made my world stop. Everything around me went hazy when I looked at him and things started moving slower than ever. I am not kidding when I say that everything took on an ethereal quality. So much so that I thought I had made him up (considering the fact that noone could find him). I found out later on that he was studying in another course. To cut a long story short, the stuttering, wild beating heart, and the nervousness all came back with a vengeance and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to talk to him. However, I did see him go out with someone else and decided to put love on the back burner again.

Strangely enough, I started doubting what love actually was. After all, on both occasions I hardly knew the guys and to say I loved them would be really silly. Therefore, I decided that love could be developed. So I started seeing people and relationships came and went. But love? I was not so sure.

Now after a string of relationships, once again I feel my heart beat, the craziness of wanting that something to happen engulf me once more and I ask myself? Love? Nah…I don’t think so…;)

11 comments:

coolvir said...

Interesting post.
Isin't it amazing that although love is the most desirable of the emotions yet we are so afraid of this expressing this feelin.It just amazes me to see so may love dying a silent death....

So,really can't answer "What is love?"

Rohit said...

If you strip Love down to her barest essentials, it is just a happy feeling that surges through you whenever you are with that special someone. It is quite a selfish thing and is better left unanalysed.

neeta said...

I've almost stopped believing, stopped looking a long time back. Though I do think I was truly in love once. It was altogether magical. It feels too unreal to believe in now.

Hey, I realized you were the same Kari once you guys were gone and Kanav mentioned 'Kari' instead of Karishma :D. Till then I honestly hadn't made the connection, blame it on my preoccupation with certain other things!

And the coincidences don't quite end there. I have a friend called Doris who had told me about your friend Dev. Apparently they had prepared together for the entrances and stuff! Only she'd left out the name and so I didn't know it was the same guy :D And yeah, it's a small world sure enough!

Pravahan said...

Hey, how I wish I knew the answer to the question, "What is love?"!

Nonetheless, on those moments when I look up to the stars for my night-sky-gazing, I hunt for the elusive answer(s)--not found any though, till date!

*grin*

Maybe, this could be of some help(?):

Indian Doc Defines Love
Dr Patanjali Dev Nayar

Love, possibly, is the most talked about yet the least understood aspect of human life. Some people doubt its very existence whereas others have given theirs or taken other's life for it. What is love? - is an eternal question.

Love means different things to different people. Philosophers and writers, poets and bards, kings and paupers, devotees and lords- all have spoken about -and experienced love, and its loss.

Love pleases and troubles people in various ways. "Am I in love?", "Does she love me?", "Will someone ever love me?", "What happens in love?", "Does true love exist?" are the questions which people ask me often.

Most misconceptions regarding love arise because we use the word "love" to describe our relationships with living beings as well as inanimate objects. As such, we are unable to differentiate between liking, desire, infatuation, admiration, want, need, lust and LOVE. Many people feel that they are in love when they don't even know the name of the person, leave alone about their personas!

"I have fallen in love!" is one of the commonest statements heard. And I say to that - "We don't "fall" in love - we "rise" in love!" Real love enables, brings and gives joy and peace. It brings out the best in us, creates harmony and happiness and thus facilitates our work and adds zest to life.

Love is not beyond the control of the person - as most people believe. It is an act of conscious choice. We don't just fall in love, but we choose to love -a person or THE person. Love just doesn't happen - we need to work for it. In fact "to love" is one of the most demanding jobs!

"Loving" a person and maintaining a loving relationship are two very different things! Good loving relationships are not a matter of accident but a matter of achievement requiring intense effort. True love is the culmination of sincerity, wisdom, respect, affection, warmth, security and, above all, commitment, which makes it a permanently self-enlarging experience. In love, actions speak louder than words!

Love manifests in many ways and means -and is often expressed silently! We also need to enlarge the definition and methods of expressing love. "Romantic love" alone would be a very constrictive definition of love. Such stereotypical concepts exclude existence of love in other relationships and also its presence in elderly- since romance itself is seen to be purview of the young alone!

What is love? There have been books written on it and yet many -who have never read those definitions- are quite aware that love has visited them! Also it takes maturity and acquired insight to realize that what seems to be love is often not love. Love is too intense a phenomenon to be limited within a framework of words.

In his book, "The Road Less Traveled", M. Scott Peck defines love as "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's or another's spiritual growth." So we demonstrate love whenever we exert ourselves in the cause of spiritual growth - whether be our own or of someone else. This simple definition can guide us in life. The rest - as they say- is a matter of experiencing the magic!

Many a times we may be head over heels for someone who's most unsuitable or ill-matched for us. Such an attraction or a relationship does not lead to any spiritual growth. It is a temporary phase and we soon come out of it unless we voluntarily choose to continue otherwise - at some considerable cost.

Thus "falling out" of love is more being with the wrong person in the first place than running out of love! In my experience, the commonest mistake people make is that they equate love with Eros alone - forgetting that love has many other dimensions. Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in that recognition.

(Dr Patanjali Dev Nayar has been addressing issues on Adolescent Health and Development, and has an experience of over 20 years in this field. He is also an expert in the field of HIV/AIDS.)

Abhijeet said...

Why is that everyone tries too hard to 'find' love and then finds it when he/she is hardly trying?
and I guess sometimes one is too late to realize what one felt was love after he/she has lost that special someone..

anywyas, I hear the news.. you're on the looking .. am I bachelor number one or are there other prospective members around? lol
just kidding...

G said...

Well expressed.

Ashutosh Pradhan said...

Just give it some time Karishma and it shall happen...!

Anonymous said...

and why always equate love with a lover/bf/gf...don/t you love your best friend??

The Soothsayer said...

The love i referred to over here is not the same as loving ur parents, friends etc...

ABHISHEK KUMAR (QAASID) said...

1 things for sure....


GREAT BRAINS DO MAKE LAME DECISIONS...


haahah.... keep going the way u r... makes life worth xploring babe....

Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info »