A bird in hand and two in the bush....

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the inner workings of the mind of an average guy- your average Joe if u may...here are some of the things that iv learned about them:

1. Men like the chase better: Your average Joe would like to aim for a woman who is out of his league. He will do everything in his power to woo her, flatter her, give her gifts, drop hints of his interest in her- go to the extent of telling her he likes her. However, once the girl says yes and starts to show her emotions...boom...thats where it ends for most guys. They start to get bored. They want a change. They want the rush of working towards the next hot chick, the unattainable. It is reminiscent of wild game hunting. Once you hunt the game the rush of the hunt makes it imperitive to hunt again.

2. The friendship route: Once a woman Joe is interested in says she is not interested, Joe will inardvently try the friendship route. He will try and be her 12 am buddy, someone she turns to when she is in trouble. So that she becomes dependant on him. And then, when she is feeling particularly vulnerable is when he will suggest hooking up, playing on her confusion.

3. Of Gifts and dates: The average Joe knows nothing about gifts and significant dates. If he remembers his GF's bday (if), he will rush out and get her the most meaningless memorabilia. This usually translates into chocolates, flowers, soft toys and the u -cannot -go -wrong -with a little drawing...awwwww...its almost as if men have been given 'a list of things to pick at the last minute guide!' Dates never mean anything to most guys. Most men forget Valentines or anniversaries and cover up by saying i dont need a date to tell u that i care. ya right!

4. Flirting: Men- whether married, committed, engaged, to be engaged, or single, love to flirt. And dont feel guilty about it too. They love to engage in the play of eyes, a subtle message or two...and they never mind any extra attention. Never mind who is giving it to them.

5. The 'C' word: Most men run away from the 'C' word- Committment. If possible they would run a marathon in the other direction if the word crops up. The 'C' word immediately sets alarm bells ringing in Joe's head. It means an end to the tom foolery, it means being trapped! And we havent event spoken about the 'M' word yet.

6. Its ok for me but not u: Most men cannot see their girl getting any attention from other guys, except maybe to flaunt that she is his! So, its ok to show off ur GF as a prized possession, but if another guy tries to become friendly with his girl, Joe usually regresses into cave man antics. This is why most men hate any male best friends of their women. A man must guard his territory while being free to enjoy the attention of every other woman u see...

7. No more conversations: Once ur in a relationship with Joe, suddenly it seems like every conversation becomes an effort, any talk about "where we are" is usually met with a "lets not talk about it" or "do we have to!"....or even worse "There is nothing to talk about" reply...

8. Of flatulation/ breaking the wind: Somehow Joe has it in his head that the act of flatulation and burping in front of people is hilarious. And, he will never cease to display the same. And then guffaw about it too!

9. The average Joe always feels that he doesnt fall into any of the eight above mentioned categories!!! :P

Of new beginnings...

What have I signed up for? I thought as I looked at the scene around me. Standing on a teeming platform at Vapi station while a million eyes watched my every move was pretty disconcerting. The lack of women amongst the crowd added to the feeling of being put under the microscope. The station in itself was as non-descript as they came. Hawkers, Coolies, Gujarati traders, the odd beggar or ten, and animals (stray dogs, rats, cows, did I mention rats?) all jostling for space, the 1 sq feet of place that they called their own. The railway announcements added another hue to the canvas of the great Indian rural in which I found myself in. The latest proclaimed that the Shatabdi Express was going to be delayed by an hour. I groaned and thanked my ‘lucky’ stars for placing me in this place at this time. I walked to the vendor selling coffee and bought myself a cup. The short distance to the vendor felt like an eternity when people followed your every move. I might as well have been dressed in a clown costume for all this was worth. The coffee was passable, but it brought me to another place, another time.
Coffee under the moonlight, surrounded by a cluster of trees and a comfortable chair, with music in the background and a raging debate on the superiority of Kieslowski’s films took away from the fact that it was 4 am. Chotta had always been the place where people could do just that and more. MICA does that to you. It makes you feel as if you are stuck in a time warp- a different world in which the outside world- with its politics, chaos, and the regular 9 to 5 clockwork routine is a distant reality. MICA exists like a mirage in the desert, real for the time you are in it and an illusion for when you are not. It is amazing how much we packed into the 24 hour day at MICA. Assignments, projects, classes, walks around campus, sport, music, hobbies, committee work, festivals, movies, dining out…the list was endless. Sleep was the only casualty to the time spent in living our life just the way we wanted to, getting the maximum possible from each day. Once you step outside of this haven however, stepping back into the real world is not an easy transition. What hits you the most is the routine. A fixed time to do everything. From sleeping, eating, waking up, work and back, the same cycle continues for the entire week, with weekends being the only relief. Suddenly, the real world and its problems swirl around you, voices silently screaming at you to listen. It is moments like these that make you want to escape, escape back to MICA and its idiosyncrasies.
The blast of a horn jolted me out of my reverie. As the train glided into the platform, I slung my backpack and walked to my compartment. Visiting factories to follow up on vendors who supplied apparel to my company was a job I wished I did not have to do. But cross-functional training meant that I had to do a stint in every department of the fashion house I worked for. And that meant visiting factories in places such as Silvassa, Tirupur (Tamil Nadu) and even Ludhiana as part of the merchandising stint. The life of a management trainee was not one that afforded a choice of where you wanted to be. You were given orders and you followed those to a tee. You went where you were told to go- big cities, small towns, far flung villages. Your individuality was something that did not exist anymore. And then it hit me. I had turned into one of the million rats who went about zombie-like, doing their job, always crawling toward bigger positions and better salaries, achieving goals and quarterly targets…Was this a new beginning or the end of a chapter in my life that I wish had never ended...

In the morrow...

I wish i was someone else...in another world, another dimension, another reality, I wish i did not have to wake up everyday to face a sea of unknown people, I wish i had someone to come home to, I wish i could feel a sense of belonging, a sense of contentment and a sense of completeness. I wish tomorrow would bring me all of this...and if it cant, then i wish id remain suspended in the world of my dreams..where everything is how i want it to be.

Idle-ville

So here I am, sitting at the comp, looking at things that i could do to pass my time...Its been 2 months since MICA got over, and after the initial sadness, weariness and nostalgia, boredom set in....and how! My life nowadays revolves around sleeping, sleeping and some more sleeping...You can never get enough of it really! In between sleeping bouts, I surf the net, watch sitcom re-runs and read books that Iv probably read a million times before...If im really feeling adventurous, I do some sketching or photoshopping...then its back to ol snoreville...My partner in crime so-to-speak, is my 2 year old pet Lab Tiramisu- She and I are like minded souls with not a care in the world...All around me, people have a sense of purpose...they know exactly what they are doing...working to support families, realising their passions, protecting the Tigers, saving the world etc. while I lounge around looking for somebody to watch the new Pirates with...I tell myself that this is the only time in life when I wont be responsible for the welfare of another human being...not that I need justifications to be a slob...Would I be happier if I was knee deep in muck, giving my two bits to conservation I wonder...?

Shine on...

Starry night, Oh! so bright,
I wish i was a star tonight.

Far away from the earth below,
In solitude, so my thoughts would flow.

Flowing beauty like a stream,
Hope noone wakes me from this dream.

I dream big, I dream far,
Maybe one day, Il be that star...

HOPE...

Hope burns bright in the recesses of my mind,
For that elusive someone, who is hard to find.

In this jouney we call life,
Why does there have to be so much strife?

So much grief, so much sorrow,
Wondering if there ever will be tomorrow?

But something inside me shouts & screams,
That never give up on your dreams.

It may seem that darkness surrounds you,
But Sunshine will come one day. It is true.

Find the truth in your heart,
With your beliefs, never part.

For hope is the strongest of all feeling,
And without it, life has no meaning....

Is there such a thing as redemption?

I don’t think so. How would you then explain the fact that a person who has wronged you in the worst possible way, is happy while you are left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life? How do you explain that your best friend puts her interests before justice? How would you explain how sinners live a carefree life? How someone who has caused you such immense pain can look at the mirror every morning and not feel ashamed? And how do you explain how someone you loved could not care less whether you lived or died?

Sounds like a bunch of rants but I see it everyday. Try being in my shoes and see it happen to you on a daily basis. Try feeling the absolute despair and experience the unfairness of what life is meting out to you. And try to then understand what belief in karma means…

I question fate. I question destiny. And I question redemption.

Winter hibernation...

It is a cold winter post-dusk evening at Mica...The cool air manages to seep in through the layers of woollens and chill you to the very bone. With placements looming over my head like the proverbial sacrificial sword, the cold seems to be almost a way to numb oneself to the more pressing questions of the future. Its amazing how so many varied and utterly nonsensical thoughts swirl through my head at any given point of time. Thoughts about the people that you have spent the last one and a half years loving, hating or ignoring. About the fact that your closest friend is now pegged against you for the job that you may give anything to get. I find myself questioning the so called 'passion' with which I entered the Mican dream. Will any of this even matter when I am a doddering old lady I wonder? What of this experience will still linger on in the recesses of my mind? Who are the people I shall think about once I leave? Love, hate, anger, exasperation, frustration, sadness, irritation...all linked to people around me. Maybe I just end up thinking too much. As I near the end of my stay at Mica the feeling of not wanting to leave and also looking forward to leaving is almost a constant. Each placement ppt makes me realise the fact that we are getting closer and closer to leaving. One chapter of my life is ending and i so dont want it to end. But then I do too. I dont because Mica is a secluded haven. Away from civilisation, it is a vibrant community that has shown me a life I never knew existed. And I want to go because I seek to escape. Escape painful memories with people I wish I had never met. Escape memories that I would like to forget. And escape to be free...to fade into an unknown oblivion...................................

Justaju...

(writing something in hindi for the first time out here...)

Na Dil mein hain dastak koi,
Na man mein kuch ehsaas hain

Ye jism ek pinjar bana,
Aur tanhayee ka hain saath mila

Zindagi tera matlab hain kya?
Ye pucha humne sabse,

Zindagi tere dar par humme,
Rusvayee ke siva aur kuch na mila....

Existentiality:

Have you ever gotten up one day and felt like not living anymore? Have you thought of whether it would make a difference for anybody whether you were here or not? Have you looked around you and tried to imagine a scenario where you no longer exist? Looking around you, the birds would still sing, the grass would still be green, the peacocks would still strut, and the dopey guy next door would still blast his music. Nothing would ever change. Your friends will become used to you not being there. And life would move on. It is an eerie thought this. The fact that you have not made a difference in anybody’s life. And that nothing would change if you did vanish from the face of the earth. And then it hits you. Your existence for the past 23 years has been without purpose. Have you achieved anything in your life? And have you made an impression or touched anybody else’s heart. Have you made someone want you around? Have you made someone want to take care of you till the end of time? Have you found the one person in whose eyes you will find the meaning of your life? If you haven’t, then you are just one of those faceless shapes that flit around aimlessly. There is no point in your existence.