Life is an endless journey. A journey that we begin once we come into our own. Once we realise our essence and our individuality. Once we truly accept who we are and look at the possibilities of what we can become. We then start setting goals for ourselves. From little things like getting a prefect’s badge to bigger things like getting into an institute you have been dreaming about, the goals get bigger and bigger. Once each attempt has been deemed a success or a failure, we move on to the next one. It is the adrenaline of looking forward to something, which keeps us going. We need a meaning, a purpose and a cause to strive for. The rush that you feel when something goes right is like no other. And the immense pain when it doesn’t makes you learn to try harder till you get it right. At every stage, each person is faced with a crossroad. He must choose where he wants to go. The intricate web of each path is interwoven with our own individual destinies. At every instance in life, our destinies cross with those of other people’s. Every contact leaves us with something that is indelible. A gesture, a quirk, a characteristic and emotions related to each of these gives rise to memories.
August 8, 2006
May 22, 2006
The Tag that rebounded
- Family and Friends (including my dog): Family is what keeps you grounded at the end of the day. They make you feel that you belong- somewhere. They love you no matter what you do and stick by you when everything else is lost. Friends on the other hand are base on which you build your future. And my dog because she loves me unconditionally, looks at me as if I am the centre of her world and just melts my heart with her soulful eyes.
- Books: Books are the key to a different world. I have been a voracious reader ever since I can remember. Fantasies of a magical world, or a bitter story that was untold, books enable me to escape from the drudgeries of a routine world.
- Chocolates and Coffee: Two of my most favourite things in the world. I can live on just both of these!
- Love: What would the world be without love? Love in any form makes this world a worthwhile to live in. Therefore this list cannot be complete without it. Nor can the world- be complete that is.
- Pristine beaches/ Snow capped mountains: Running wild on a pristine beach or looking at the majestic mountains. Can it get more beautiful?
- Rainy days/ winter nights: Rainy days in Mumbai or winter nights in Ahmedabad. Both transform the city. Getting wet in the rain or snuggling in a blanket in winter nights makes for good poetry:)
- Sleeping and dreaming: Sleeping and dreaming. Two things i cant live without.
- Memories of magical moments: Moments in the past, memories of tomorrow. of walking around in Koregaon park or talking all night long, memories light up my soul.
- Music :
- My cooking: Call it goulash if you will...
- Bugs
- Vipin (when he does visit my blog)
- Quintessence (from PG)
March 16, 2006
Nothingness...
(This poem was written during the rare moments when the poet had nothing better to do but stare into nothingness...mind you these moments are rare...extremely rare!)
Staring into space, and the nothingness of time…
As the world goes by; doesn’t give a dime,
Waiting for another day to pass by,
Only to ask the question, ‘Why?’
Why are we here?
What purpose do we serve?
Why is she better than me?
Oh, she has some nerve!
Tomorrow dawns on me,
In a fresh and dewy kind of way,
As the first rays of sunshine spill across my face,
There is nothing left to say…
Time moves on while I stand still,
Still searching for answers, and also the will…
The will to go on, to not give in,
To fight till the very end; To finally win.
Staring into space, and the nothingness of time…
As the world goes by; doesn’t give a dime,
Waiting for another day to pass by,
Only to ask the question, ‘Why?’
Why are we here?
What purpose do we serve?
Why is she better than me?
Oh, she has some nerve!
Tomorrow dawns on me,
In a fresh and dewy kind of way,
As the first rays of sunshine spill across my face,
There is nothing left to say…
Time moves on while I stand still,
Still searching for answers, and also the will…
The will to go on, to not give in,
To fight till the very end; To finally win.
March 2, 2006
What is love?
I have been trying to get to the bottom of this one for a long time now, but haven’t yet been able to get a satisfactory answer. Nonetheless I trudge on with a weariness that makes me almost cynical. Growing up on a host of sordid books that claimed that true love would come and sweep you off your feet, I waited for my knight in shining armour to come and rescue me from the clutches of an unfair world. Sounds dramatic eh? But that’s exactly how I perceived it to be. Waiting endlessly did not work (well obviously.. :P) and so I decided to take matters into my own hands…
I thought if love doesn’t find me, I shall! Therefore, off I went on the lookout for that elusive being who would love me. And then, it happened. At the age of 13 I looked at my brother’s friend and fell in love. Or so I thought. I looked at him coyly and started stuttering crazily whenever I met him. I started looking for hints in what could only have been mundane conversations and convinced myself that he had feelings for me too. I built up an entire story in my head about us living happily ever after. Until of course my parents found out. They decided that I was much too young to have an infatuation and I was severely reprimanded for behaving in a manner that was too big for my shoes (wonder where that came from).
So, I stopped thinking about this particular guy but vowed to myself that my parents would not come to know of my feelings for anyone henceforth. And so it stayed. My junior years at college passed without incident until I reached Degree College. In my first few days in college itself I saw someone who literally made my world stop. Everything around me went hazy when I looked at him and things started moving slower than ever. I am not kidding when I say that everything took on an ethereal quality. So much so that I thought I had made him up (considering the fact that noone could find him). I found out later on that he was studying in another course. To cut a long story short, the stuttering, wild beating heart, and the nervousness all came back with a vengeance and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to talk to him. However, I did see him go out with someone else and decided to put love on the back burner again.
Strangely enough, I started doubting what love actually was. After all, on both occasions I hardly knew the guys and to say I loved them would be really silly. Therefore, I decided that love could be developed. So I started seeing people and relationships came and went. But love? I was not so sure.
Now after a string of relationships, once again I feel my heart beat, the craziness of wanting that something to happen engulf me once more and I ask myself? Love? Nah…I don’t think so…;)
I thought if love doesn’t find me, I shall! Therefore, off I went on the lookout for that elusive being who would love me. And then, it happened. At the age of 13 I looked at my brother’s friend and fell in love. Or so I thought. I looked at him coyly and started stuttering crazily whenever I met him. I started looking for hints in what could only have been mundane conversations and convinced myself that he had feelings for me too. I built up an entire story in my head about us living happily ever after. Until of course my parents found out. They decided that I was much too young to have an infatuation and I was severely reprimanded for behaving in a manner that was too big for my shoes (wonder where that came from).
So, I stopped thinking about this particular guy but vowed to myself that my parents would not come to know of my feelings for anyone henceforth. And so it stayed. My junior years at college passed without incident until I reached Degree College. In my first few days in college itself I saw someone who literally made my world stop. Everything around me went hazy when I looked at him and things started moving slower than ever. I am not kidding when I say that everything took on an ethereal quality. So much so that I thought I had made him up (considering the fact that noone could find him). I found out later on that he was studying in another course. To cut a long story short, the stuttering, wild beating heart, and the nervousness all came back with a vengeance and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to talk to him. However, I did see him go out with someone else and decided to put love on the back burner again.
Strangely enough, I started doubting what love actually was. After all, on both occasions I hardly knew the guys and to say I loved them would be really silly. Therefore, I decided that love could be developed. So I started seeing people and relationships came and went. But love? I was not so sure.
Now after a string of relationships, once again I feel my heart beat, the craziness of wanting that something to happen engulf me once more and I ask myself? Love? Nah…I don’t think so…;)
December 29, 2005
FROM CHAOS TO ……CHAOS?
(After a sabbatical of 4 months am back with the longest post iv ever written...Hope u read it till the end.)
The days, weeks and months have flown on a whirlwind of activity. It seems like yesterday that I first stepped into a world that was so cut off from reality- Mica. Second term at Mica, as somebody warned us, was the one with the most fun! Micanvas, Sankalp, and other extra curriculars were all crammed into one term making it the one with the most sleepless nights ever recorded in pgp-1’s history! As we looked at the schedule for second term, we wondered just how we were going to get any studying done.
First up was Micanvas, our inter B-school fest that attracted participation from B-schools all over the country. 3 days of undiluted learning intermingled with the right amount of creativity and entertainment made the perfect combination. Unprecedented preparation included looking after the slightest details, and a mind boggling logistical network; pens, ids, folders, markers, beds, pillows, transport and what not! 3 days in which the best minds in the country competed with each other equipped with an undefeatable spirit. 3 whole days in which Mica rocked to the music of Parikrama and the Unlike No ones (Mica’s very own band), to the theatrics of Evam and the party thrown by Trinetra- this was replete with foot tapping music and Cold Coco! The end result: Insomnia, bloodshot eyes and a contented heart for your average Mican.
Then the Diwali break arrived, which saw most pgp-1’s heading back to their homes to spend the festival of lights with family. But not this particular group of women (me included of course!), who had the crazy idea of jetting off to Diu to spend Diwali by the Arabian Sea (almost sounds like a song ;)… So, how do most people spend their vacation at a new place? Exploring all the touristy places and sightseeing temples and old forts maybe… But not us, we went there for sleep, sand, shells and the sun…in that precise order! That is not to say that we did not enjoy ourselves, to the contrary we came back looking like Cheshire cats who had just siphoned off all the cream…*sigh*
While my mind still lay in the golden sand of Diu, my reverie was broken with endless assignments that poured in from every possible direction. Suddenly, life did not seem so beautiful, what with Economics, Ethics and other ‘E’ subjects latching on to us with a vengeance. After what seemed like some more endless-sleepless nights, we settled in to accept the vagaries of faith and the rut of a repetitive routine. However, all that was about to change.
Sankalp had started to make its presence felt. Sankalp- the annual theatrical presentation of Mica was ready to go forward on all cylinders fired. So, with the help of one of the biggest cast & crews ever, ‘Suraj Ka Saatwan Ghoda’, which was this year’s play, was born. Now our days were spent looking at Brochure, Poster, and Ticket designs, visualizing the final look and basically thinking laterally and pretending to look busy! Creatives at Sankalp was an experience far removed from anything I had ever done before. Seeing the designs in my head actually emerging in print form was just exhilarating! Those days also brought back memories of the time I spent in an ad agency quibbling with the creatives over commas and full stops. Only, I was on the other side this time and someone else was doing the quibbling (a case of coming full circle indeed!). Creatives however, was just a small part in the mega scheme of things, creatives did not make the play, it was made by the actors, the story and the direction. All of which melded together to give Ahmedabad three whole days of entertainment unlimited. It also gave us some more sleepless nights (that goes without saying I guess).
Sankalp had just gotten over when we realized that we wouldn’t be stepping out of the classroom for a long long long time. Portions had to be completed and the admin office was ensuring that it would literally be knocked into our heads, by hook or by crook. So it came that a very tired bunch of first years trudged in to class and got imprisoned in the world of the GDP, SLR, CRR, and what not (understanding/not understanding? Not understanding of course!) But the term and its breakage of routine was not over yet.
We suddenly found out that we had been short listed for a marketing competition at FMS Delhi. So there I found myself traveling across India to Delhi for a 4 day visit packed with loads of traveling and little sleep. Intense competition from a ‘Demon’ from IIM Indore and the team from MDI saw us finishing 3rd, losing out by our flawed pricing strategy. However, Delhi itself was an experience to remember, as I was visiting the city after eons and lapped in the colours and sights that it had to offer. We returned to Ahmedabad a little wiser about under pricing and over spending (damn should have stayed awake in those pricing sessions!) but not with defeated souls!
As soon as we landed at Mica, the prospects of the exams loomed over us. Imagine an exam when you have not even looked at the book forget skimming through its contents. So we had the mighty task of achieving gold medals in speed reading with maximum retention (like that was ever going to happen), and emerging unscathed. All I can say after this was that I survived two terms at Mica.
What with the second term finally over after the killer exams (although we all hail a collective sigh of relief at no more economics or quant…yeah!) and the insaneness of the schedule that we kept in the last few months, we said goodbye to each other and stepped back into the ‘civilised’ world.
First up was Micanvas, our inter B-school fest that attracted participation from B-schools all over the country. 3 days of undiluted learning intermingled with the right amount of creativity and entertainment made the perfect combination. Unprecedented preparation included looking after the slightest details, and a mind boggling logistical network; pens, ids, folders, markers, beds, pillows, transport and what not! 3 days in which the best minds in the country competed with each other equipped with an undefeatable spirit. 3 whole days in which Mica rocked to the music of Parikrama and the Unlike No ones (Mica’s very own band), to the theatrics of Evam and the party thrown by Trinetra- this was replete with foot tapping music and Cold Coco! The end result: Insomnia, bloodshot eyes and a contented heart for your average Mican.
Then the Diwali break arrived, which saw most pgp-1’s heading back to their homes to spend the festival of lights with family. But not this particular group of women (me included of course!), who had the crazy idea of jetting off to Diu to spend Diwali by the Arabian Sea (almost sounds like a song ;)… So, how do most people spend their vacation at a new place? Exploring all the touristy places and sightseeing temples and old forts maybe… But not us, we went there for sleep, sand, shells and the sun…in that precise order! That is not to say that we did not enjoy ourselves, to the contrary we came back looking like Cheshire cats who had just siphoned off all the cream…*sigh*
While my mind still lay in the golden sand of Diu, my reverie was broken with endless assignments that poured in from every possible direction. Suddenly, life did not seem so beautiful, what with Economics, Ethics and other ‘E’ subjects latching on to us with a vengeance. After what seemed like some more endless-sleepless nights, we settled in to accept the vagaries of faith and the rut of a repetitive routine. However, all that was about to change.
Sankalp had started to make its presence felt. Sankalp- the annual theatrical presentation of Mica was ready to go forward on all cylinders fired. So, with the help of one of the biggest cast & crews ever, ‘Suraj Ka Saatwan Ghoda’, which was this year’s play, was born. Now our days were spent looking at Brochure, Poster, and Ticket designs, visualizing the final look and basically thinking laterally and pretending to look busy! Creatives at Sankalp was an experience far removed from anything I had ever done before. Seeing the designs in my head actually emerging in print form was just exhilarating! Those days also brought back memories of the time I spent in an ad agency quibbling with the creatives over commas and full stops. Only, I was on the other side this time and someone else was doing the quibbling (a case of coming full circle indeed!). Creatives however, was just a small part in the mega scheme of things, creatives did not make the play, it was made by the actors, the story and the direction. All of which melded together to give Ahmedabad three whole days of entertainment unlimited. It also gave us some more sleepless nights (that goes without saying I guess).
Sankalp had just gotten over when we realized that we wouldn’t be stepping out of the classroom for a long long long time. Portions had to be completed and the admin office was ensuring that it would literally be knocked into our heads, by hook or by crook. So it came that a very tired bunch of first years trudged in to class and got imprisoned in the world of the GDP, SLR, CRR, and what not (understanding/not understanding? Not understanding of course!) But the term and its breakage of routine was not over yet.
We suddenly found out that we had been short listed for a marketing competition at FMS Delhi. So there I found myself traveling across India to Delhi for a 4 day visit packed with loads of traveling and little sleep. Intense competition from a ‘Demon’ from IIM Indore and the team from MDI saw us finishing 3rd, losing out by our flawed pricing strategy. However, Delhi itself was an experience to remember, as I was visiting the city after eons and lapped in the colours and sights that it had to offer. We returned to Ahmedabad a little wiser about under pricing and over spending (damn should have stayed awake in those pricing sessions!) but not with defeated souls!
As soon as we landed at Mica, the prospects of the exams loomed over us. Imagine an exam when you have not even looked at the book forget skimming through its contents. So we had the mighty task of achieving gold medals in speed reading with maximum retention (like that was ever going to happen), and emerging unscathed. All I can say after this was that I survived two terms at Mica.
What with the second term finally over after the killer exams (although we all hail a collective sigh of relief at no more economics or quant…yeah!) and the insaneness of the schedule that we kept in the last few months, we said goodbye to each other and stepped back into the ‘civilised’ world.
August 22, 2005
Anguish and Despair
My mind it wonders about tomorrow,
And all the joy and the sorrow.
My heart it sighs with a lot of grief,
Oh! What I'd do for blessed relief.
The turmoils that twist inside me,
For something that can never be.
Leads to anguish and despair,
For a bond beyond repair.
Standing at the point of no return,
The Chasm of fire still burns.
And all the joy and the sorrow.
My heart it sighs with a lot of grief,
Oh! What I'd do for blessed relief.
The turmoils that twist inside me,
For something that can never be.
Leads to anguish and despair,
For a bond beyond repair.
Standing at the point of no return,
The Chasm of fire still burns.
August 3, 2005
The boulevard of dreams fulfilled...
As the initial exhilaration wears off, its time to settle down. The daily routine works with clockwork precision, with a time assigned to everything, even thinking! The changing seasons usher in a metamorphosis that makes one wonder at the beauty of nature. Everyday is an experience, an exploration and an adventure. Peacocks, cranes, langoors, and the odd scorpion or snake or two add to the kaleidoscopic canvas of life at Mica. These interspersed with impromptu jigs; inter batch clashes in volleyball and football and our own batch-band performances ensure that boredom doesn’t set in. Add to that, the endless walks around campus or treasure chest (a resort just outside campus), tennis sessions and sketching in the serenity of the amphitheatre, and we have a heady concoction in our hands.
Mica allows one to just be. Be yourself and believe in who you are. It ensures that we let go of the baggage that we end up carrying in the urban jungle. It enables you to hone your talents and experience a life like no other. Far from the commotion and madness of the corporate world, Mica feels like an oasis in the middle of a parched and dry desert. It also, makes one wonder whether the rat race at the end of it all is even worth it. But then, life here also teaches you about cut throat competition. The undercurrent of one upmanship is subtle but surely there. Project submissions and presentations are the perfect place to realize that you are surrounded by a set of equally brilliant individuals and that you will have to work just a little harder to keep from going under. And make no bones about the fact that the professors are here to ensure that we are kept on our toes. Project briefs at the eleventh hour are so common that eyebrows aren’t even raised in surprise anymore. Projects at 3 in the morning are everyday occurrences. No wonder then, that we have all turned into compulsive insomniacs…This is life at Mica!
July 11, 2005
Mica- an experience.......
Surrounded on all sides by heaven,
With a mood as black as a raven,
What do i call it but an irony,
My soul has finally been set free...
Noone to share paradise,
Just the jealousy and the lies,
Intense emotions catch me unawares,
I need somebody who cares...
Just cant comprehend what i feel,
Keep asking myself, is this for real?
I'v finally got what i always wanted,
But now that i have it, i feel daunted.
New relationships and bonds to share,
True friendships are always so rare,
Everyone still testing the sea,
Am in too deep, just let me be.
Need something beyond the frivolous,
Am i being just too obvious?
A leap of faith is what i'v taken,
Will my beliefs now be shaken?
Only time will tell what i need to know,
Till then i shall just be a part of the show.
My dream fulfilled, my goal achieved,
Destiny awaits me with open arms...............
With a mood as black as a raven,
What do i call it but an irony,
My soul has finally been set free...
Noone to share paradise,
Just the jealousy and the lies,
Intense emotions catch me unawares,
I need somebody who cares...
Just cant comprehend what i feel,
Keep asking myself, is this for real?
I'v finally got what i always wanted,
But now that i have it, i feel daunted.
New relationships and bonds to share,
True friendships are always so rare,
Everyone still testing the sea,
Am in too deep, just let me be.
Need something beyond the frivolous,
Am i being just too obvious?
A leap of faith is what i'v taken,
Will my beliefs now be shaken?
Only time will tell what i need to know,
Till then i shall just be a part of the show.
My dream fulfilled, my goal achieved,
Destiny awaits me with open arms...............
June 3, 2005
For Parinita...
ANGEL FACE
As people go, she was almost angelic
With her innocence and a face so child like
Her gentle ways belied a fire
That raged inside her, her hearts desire...
To succeed in life, to climb the peak
To stand up on her own, without being meek
Capturing emotions was her passion
Whether it was wilderness or fashion
A woman of substance is what she was
With an exhuberance that went on without a pause
A person who I can proudly call a friend
A bond i know will never end
I will always wish her the best in life
As a friend, a mother or a wife
I know she has many roles to play
And countless demons more to slay
My Angel face you will succeed.............
As people go, she was almost angelic
With her innocence and a face so child like
Her gentle ways belied a fire
That raged inside her, her hearts desire...
To succeed in life, to climb the peak
To stand up on her own, without being meek
Capturing emotions was her passion
Whether it was wilderness or fashion
A woman of substance is what she was
With an exhuberance that went on without a pause
A person who I can proudly call a friend
A bond i know will never end
I will always wish her the best in life
As a friend, a mother or a wife
I know she has many roles to play
And countless demons more to slay
My Angel face you will succeed.............
May 8, 2005
Once upon an Elver.....
The character sketch of the unassuming Elver.
It was as mornings go, quite the usual. Against the wishes of a lazy mind, body and soul, i dragged myself right across the city to the Mica Gd and Pi. The day started off drably getting positively worse by the minute. From 8 in the morning we were all hustled into a room and left there on our own. But this post isnt about the Mica Gd and Pi. It is about the person i met there. Around 2 in the afternoon, a quiet guy came up to me and asked if i was karishma. I thought he was Bugs the bunny who promised to be there with carrots in his hands. But, it was Jormund Elver. I vaguely remembered him from the forums. But the person before me was quite the antithesis of his posts. A reserved person by nature with a brooding quality that intrigued me.
A person who was equally in love with mysticism, mythology and fantasy. I have always felt that my mind had the quality to spin effective tales. To wander off on quests of its own and live in a surreal world. And here was someone who was exactly the same, if not more in a world of his own. An animated discussion followed with Elver citing Viking philosophy and me of course Greek. One of the weirdest conversations for a third person to overhear i bet.
The feeling that you can instantly connect to a person was really strong with Elver. To be on the same wavelength with someone feels awesome and here we were, meeting for the very first time and it felt like we knew each other already.
It was such a relief to meet someone with a depth that was facinating. Not like the nitwits with whom a conversation is reaped in artificial and inane discussions. Most of the time, we keep up appearances, a mask of geniality. Of pretense and a desperate desire to conform. Elver shatters these notions.
I recently read his story-the lost girl on his blog. The story instantly engrosses you, captivating you into the world of Elver. It gives you insights into his life and his thinking.
It has enthralled me to know the person behind it. How much of the story is true and how much is fiction...one may never know..But what i do know is that Elver must certainly write more.
I hope things work out for you Elver...sincerely.
Kari
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