Old lady in the mirror

It is a balmy Sunday afternoon, and I feel an overwhelming need to write something. To talk to the universe in a monologue that showcases my deepest emotions and frustrations. You see, for the last 5 years, I have tried very unsuccessfully to find 'the one'. Tried to change myself, made some really crazy choices (moving half way around the world anyone?) and also worked on becoming fitter to fit into an ideal version of me. And yet, despite all of these attempts to conform to society's image of the perfect woman, I cant seem to find a man who is willing to share this life with me. Frustrating to say the least, but it makes me think that I am approaching this completely in the wrong manner. Instead of trying to change myself for this idea of what men are seeking, I need to just be content in being the person I am. I am never going to be the prettiest, the healthiest, the wittiest or the most intelligent woman out there. Nor am I going to be someone over whom men duel or fight to the death (hey a girl has to have some fantasies). But what I can be, is the best version of me. Someone who is living life in the best possible way that she knows. Someone who is flawed, dented, bruised but yet not broken. Someone who deserves someone equally flawed, dented and bruised. But guess what, I am not going to sit around waiting and feeling sad that it hasn't happened yet. My life is not defined by this one relationship. And if it is not meant to be, so be it. No use moping about another stupid and idiotic buffoon of a man who doesn't treat me the way I deserve.And if that means I live to be a 100 and a spinster, then what a crazy old lady with spicy stories I am going to be! Here's to the old lady who refused to bow down to society's rules and lived life one adventure at a time. Here is to the future me. 

On the train again...moving away from you.

I write this post on a train journey from Toronto to Kingston and back. The gift of 2.5 hours of time is something that I don't usually get, so when I did get this opportunity, I thought, maybe I should get back to writing since its been a while. It sure has been an eventful couple of years. Ever since moving to Canada 2.5 years ago, I feel like I am like a leaf that's blowing in the wind. Going where the wind takes me. The experiences I gain along the way, the people I meet, and the challenges I overcome are all pieces in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully there is some meaning at the end of this journey. But one can never be certain. But, I just wanted to take a moment and look back at some of the things that Canada has taught me.

 

1. Relax. The weight of the world is not on your shoulders. Having grown up on a healthy dose of soap operas and Bollywood, I think it suffices to say that we Indians can be very dramatic. Everything seems to be a tragedy or a sob story, and every difficult time is viewed as a calamity. Living in Canada has taught me that you can be serious about your life, but that doesn't mean that you need to walk around like your problems weigh you down.

 

2. Appreciate the beauty around you, and the shortness of summer. Coming from India, I never understood why Canadians love their summer so much. 3 desolate winters later, I am one of those people who is as excited as the average Canadian when it comes to summer.

 

3. Be nice to people. It makes you a nicer person to be around, overall. Points 1 and 2 meant that I was this grumpy old soul who didn't like new people. I was never trusting and rarely polite. Canada changes that. You cant help but be affected by the positivity all around you. People are nice here. Genuinely nice. They don't have hidden agendas, and they are definitely not plotting to overthrow you in office, like you would think they did in India for sure. Mumbai and the corporate culture there seems like a battlefield in comparison.

 

4. Admit that you do not have all the answers, and they will eventually present themselves to you. Whether it is that excel sheet at work, or your life's problems, admitting that you do not have all the answers is a good way of making the universe work for you. I have realized that if you look for something long enough, things tend to work out in the end. The same goes with answers to a problem.

 

5. Be thankful for the chances you have been given. Overall, a sense of peace and contentment is a feeling unlike any other. Be thankful for the chances that you have been given, and stop fretting about the next big promotion, the next house, the next relationship.

 

I would addressed some more, but my time on the train seems to be at an end. Till the time that I have some more time to spare....