How are you really?

The other day one of my closest friends messaged asking me "How I was?". An innocuous question in itself, but it trigged myriad emotions in me. I thought of the fact that I didn't have a job, had been looking for one for some time, and was nowhere near finding one. I thought of how I had left India a year ago, sure that I was making the best move of my life, how I had left a great job, because I wanted to make a mark in North America. I thought about the endless battle against weight and body image, and how I was finally getting sick of trying. I thought about not finding love. About despairing that there was anyone out there for me. I thought of how I did not know whether my tomorrow was going to be better than today, and how increasingly I felt that it was an impossibility. Having pondered all of these thoughts triggered by her simple greeting, I thought of replying by saying, I am: depressed, frustrated, negative, tired, sad, irritated, angry, in pain,

spiralling out of control. Instead, I replied: I am fine.