Is there such a thing as redemption?

I don’t think so. How would you then explain the fact that a person who has wronged you in the worst possible way, is happy while you are left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life? How do you explain that your best friend puts her interests before justice? How would you explain how sinners live a carefree life? How someone who has caused you such immense pain can look at the mirror every morning and not feel ashamed? And how do you explain how someone you loved could not care less whether you lived or died?

Sounds like a bunch of rants but I see it everyday. Try being in my shoes and see it happen to you on a daily basis. Try feeling the absolute despair and experience the unfairness of what life is meting out to you. And try to then understand what belief in karma means…

I question fate. I question destiny. And I question redemption.

Winter hibernation...

It is a cold winter post-dusk evening at Mica...The cool air manages to seep in through the layers of woollens and chill you to the very bone. With placements looming over my head like the proverbial sacrificial sword, the cold seems to be almost a way to numb oneself to the more pressing questions of the future. Its amazing how so many varied and utterly nonsensical thoughts swirl through my head at any given point of time. Thoughts about the people that you have spent the last one and a half years loving, hating or ignoring. About the fact that your closest friend is now pegged against you for the job that you may give anything to get. I find myself questioning the so called 'passion' with which I entered the Mican dream. Will any of this even matter when I am a doddering old lady I wonder? What of this experience will still linger on in the recesses of my mind? Who are the people I shall think about once I leave? Love, hate, anger, exasperation, frustration, sadness, irritation...all linked to people around me. Maybe I just end up thinking too much. As I near the end of my stay at Mica the feeling of not wanting to leave and also looking forward to leaving is almost a constant. Each placement ppt makes me realise the fact that we are getting closer and closer to leaving. One chapter of my life is ending and i so dont want it to end. But then I do too. I dont because Mica is a secluded haven. Away from civilisation, it is a vibrant community that has shown me a life I never knew existed. And I want to go because I seek to escape. Escape painful memories with people I wish I had never met. Escape memories that I would like to forget. And escape to be free...to fade into an unknown oblivion...................................