Justaju...

(writing something in hindi for the first time out here...)

Na Dil mein hain dastak koi,
Na man mein kuch ehsaas hain

Ye jism ek pinjar bana,
Aur tanhayee ka hain saath mila

Zindagi tera matlab hain kya?
Ye pucha humne sabse,

Zindagi tere dar par humme,
Rusvayee ke siva aur kuch na mila....

Existentiality:

Have you ever gotten up one day and felt like not living anymore? Have you thought of whether it would make a difference for anybody whether you were here or not? Have you looked around you and tried to imagine a scenario where you no longer exist? Looking around you, the birds would still sing, the grass would still be green, the peacocks would still strut, and the dopey guy next door would still blast his music. Nothing would ever change. Your friends will become used to you not being there. And life would move on. It is an eerie thought this. The fact that you have not made a difference in anybody’s life. And that nothing would change if you did vanish from the face of the earth. And then it hits you. Your existence for the past 23 years has been without purpose. Have you achieved anything in your life? And have you made an impression or touched anybody else’s heart. Have you made someone want you around? Have you made someone want to take care of you till the end of time? Have you found the one person in whose eyes you will find the meaning of your life? If you haven’t, then you are just one of those faceless shapes that flit around aimlessly. There is no point in your existence.

Memories

Life is an endless journey. A journey that we begin once we come into our own. Once we realise our essence and our individuality. Once we truly accept who we are and look at the possibilities of what we can become. We then start setting goals for ourselves. From little things like getting a prefect’s badge to bigger things like getting into an institute you have been dreaming about, the goals get bigger and bigger. Once each attempt has been deemed a success or a failure, we move on to the next one. It is the adrenaline of looking forward to something, which keeps us going. We need a meaning, a purpose and a cause to strive for. The rush that you feel when something goes right is like no other. And the immense pain when it doesn’t makes you learn to try harder till you get it right. At every stage, each person is faced with a crossroad. He must choose where he wants to go. The intricate web of each path is interwoven with our own individual destinies. At every instance in life, our destinies cross with those of other people’s. Every contact leaves us with something that is indelible. A gesture, a quirk, a characteristic and emotions related to each of these gives rise to memories.

The Tag that rebounded

(After trying my best and succeeding a wee bit to make a morose serpent feel better about the world in general, the Tag has rebounded on me. And after all those subtle reminders by Elver, here I am with the 10 things that make my world a better place)

• Family and Friends (including my dog): Family is what keeps you grounded at the end of the day. They make you feel that you belong- somewhere. They love you no matter what you do and stick by you when everything else is lost. Friends on the other hand are base on which you build your future. And my dog because she loves me unconditionally, looks at me as if I am the centre of her world and just melts my heart with her soulful eyes.
• Books: Books are the key to a different world. I have been a voracious reader ever since I can remember. Fantasies of a magical world, or a bitter story that was untold, books enable me to escape from the drudgeries of a routine world.
• Chocolates and Coffee: Two of my most favourite things in the world. I can live on just both of these!
• Love: What would the world be without love? Love in any form makes this world a worthwhile to live in. Therefore this list cannot be complete without it. Nor can the world- be complete that is.
• Pristine beaches/ Snow capped mountains: Running wild on a pristine beach or looking at the majestic mountains. Can it get more beautiful?
  
• Rainy days/ winter nights: Rainy days in Mumbai or winter nights in Ahmedabad. Both transform the city. Getting wet in the rain or snuggling in a blanket in winter nights makes for good poetry:)
• Sleeping and dreaming: Sleeping and dreaming. Two things i cant live without.
• Memories of magical moments: Moments in the past, memories of tomorrow. of walking around in Koregaon park or talking all night long, memories light up my soul.
• Music : Music that touches chords in my heart. What would life be without a song and dance? :P
• My cooking: Call it goulash if you will...

To pass the tag on I Tag:
- Bugs
- Vipin (when he does visit my blog)
- Quintessence (from PG)

Nothingness...

(This poem was written during the rare moments when the poet had nothing better to do but stare into nothingness...mind you these moments are rare...extremely rare!)


Staring into space, and the nothingness of time…
As the world goes by; doesn’t give a dime,

Waiting for another day to pass by,
Only to ask the question, ‘Why?’

Why are we here?
What purpose do we serve?

Why is she better than me?
Oh, she has some nerve!

Tomorrow dawns on me,
In a fresh and dewy kind of way,

As the first rays of sunshine spill across my face,
There is nothing left to say…

Time moves on while I stand still,
Still searching for answers, and also the will…

The will to go on, to not give in,
To fight till the very end; To finally win.

What is love?

I have been trying to get to the bottom of this one for a long time now, but haven’t yet been able to get a satisfactory answer. Nonetheless I trudge on with a weariness that makes me almost cynical. Growing up on a host of sordid books that claimed that true love would come and sweep you off your feet, I waited for my knight in shining armour to come and rescue me from the clutches of an unfair world. Sounds dramatic eh? But that’s exactly how I perceived it to be. Waiting endlessly did not work (well obviously.. :P) and so I decided to take matters into my own hands…

I thought if love doesn’t find me, I shall! Therefore, off I went on the lookout for that elusive being who would love me. And then, it happened. At the age of 13 I looked at my brother’s friend and fell in love. Or so I thought. I looked at him coyly and started stuttering crazily whenever I met him. I started looking for hints in what could only have been mundane conversations and convinced myself that he had feelings for me too. I built up an entire story in my head about us living happily ever after. Until of course my parents found out. They decided that I was much too young to have an infatuation and I was severely reprimanded for behaving in a manner that was too big for my shoes (wonder where that came from).

So, I stopped thinking about this particular guy but vowed to myself that my parents would not come to know of my feelings for anyone henceforth. And so it stayed. My junior years at college passed without incident until I reached Degree College. In my first few days in college itself I saw someone who literally made my world stop. Everything around me went hazy when I looked at him and things started moving slower than ever. I am not kidding when I say that everything took on an ethereal quality. So much so that I thought I had made him up (considering the fact that noone could find him). I found out later on that he was studying in another course. To cut a long story short, the stuttering, wild beating heart, and the nervousness all came back with a vengeance and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to talk to him. However, I did see him go out with someone else and decided to put love on the back burner again.

Strangely enough, I started doubting what love actually was. After all, on both occasions I hardly knew the guys and to say I loved them would be really silly. Therefore, I decided that love could be developed. So I started seeing people and relationships came and went. But love? I was not so sure.

Now after a string of relationships, once again I feel my heart beat, the craziness of wanting that something to happen engulf me once more and I ask myself? Love? Nah…I don’t think so…;)