The Soothsayer Diaries

The value of human life.

2012-01-07T02:20:00.000-08:00

Its funny how a chance remark can get you thinking. A friend just mentioned that a funeral in Mumbai costs Rs. 250/- and triggered a train of thought which questioned the value of human life. We are so engrossed in our daily lives that we do not stop to ponder over how meaningless life and death has become in India. Everyday, scores of people die on our streets. Some are victims of disease, hunger and poverty. Some are victims of chance. But the worst are those that are victims of fate and apathy. I remember seeing a hunchbacked old lady at a signal I passed everyday, on my way to work. I was well aware that the beggars of Mumbai are a nexus and a well-oiled machine working with clockwork precision, and usually I would never give any of them any money. However, this lady was always an exception. Just the sight of her old, frail, hunchbacked self sitting in the sun and approaching cars slowly was enough to move me. I admit to giving her more than just mere change. And a part of me always wished that I wouldn't see her there the next day. That she would be allowed to rest and live rather than beg. But come sunshine or rain, she was always there. As time passed, it almost became a routine for me to hand over a Rs. 20/- to her, if only to elicit a toothless grin from her weather-beaten leathery face. At times she would preen and bless me, at other times sulk and ask for more. Whatever the case, I developed a strong affection for that hunchbacked old lady at the traffic signal...

Months passed and suddenly, I stopped seeing her at her usual perch by the signal. I waited for a few days before asking some of the other beggars about her. Was told that she had passed away and the BMC had taken the body away because they didn't have money for her funeral. As tears rolled down my cheek I wished I had been there to give her that Rs. 250/- for a dignified death.

It gets worse before it gets better....

2011-10-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

When in the dumps of despair, things to look forward to:

1. Existing

2. Not giving in to mediocrity

3. To laugh when you'd rather cry

4. To be brave enough to be alone

5. Caring for those who need you

6. Running on empty

7. To be down but not out

8. Looking pretty in a not-so-shallow-and-totally-nonchalant way

9. To lead, not follow

10. Learning to laugh at oneself

11. To look at the bigger picture

12. Toning down the drama

13. To kick butt!

14. Being passionate about ones beliefs

15. To be happy, I must just be

Seeking purpose in aimless meanderings.

2011-06-20T04:03:00.000-07:00

I feel lost. Adrift. Alone. Seeking meaning in the endless meanderings. A reason to be. A reason to go on. To wake up tomorrow. To belong. When life seems like a pointless search for something, anything that explains the why's? And the naivette that becomes me feels that belonging to someone must be the answer. Why else would the world sing volumes about love? Why else would people swear by what should best be explained as a chemical reaction of our brains? And how else would the compulsion to be cared for and loved become as important? I crave for that someone who would tell me that "Life is beautiful" or that his being was dependent on me. Or the person whose very presence would bring me contentment.

Call me a romantic fool if you will.

Calling for the Mumbai Monsoons

2011-05-27T05:09:00.001-07:00

I love the monsoons in Mumbai. They creep up cloaked in a blanket of stealth and take your breath away. The smell of the earth after that first shower, the greens that spring up everywhere, and the sea- the glorious sea, all make for a pretty picture. But above all, it evokes such memories. Memories of running through the deluge, of stolen kisses, of coy glances, of sodden clothes but singing hearts, of absolute muck mixed with child-like madness, of splashing through puddles, getting stuck in the traffic, of steaming cups of Coffee and spicy bhajias, not wanting to go to school/work and not being able to (because Mumbai stood still)... Memories that I would like to revisit again.

Zindagi

2011-05-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

Kuch ankahe khaab, Kuch dabe khayaal liye jee rahe hain.
Zindagi ki manzilon ki or kadam, liye jee rahe hain.
Manzilen hain ki haath mein dabi ret si, guzar jaati hain.
Hum to ab bhi tumhaari taak mein baithe, jee rahe hain.

Ek aur khaab, ek aur manzil dikhe na dikhe,
Zindagi ke safar par caravan liye apna, chal rahe hain.
Kal ka savera apne saath, umeed laata hain,
Isi satya ke saar par intezaar kiye jee rahe hain....

The Chrysalis

2011-04-29T03:24:00.000-07:00

Tucked beneath the clear blue skies,
A little Chrysalis patiently lies,
Cocooned in silk , protected from light,
Biding its time, to take flight.

The seasons pass, time goes by,
And yet the Chrysalis does patiently lie,
It longs for the day when it shall rise,
Rise to soar amongst the cloudless skies

Calling for Miracles

2011-04-28T02:25:00.000-07:00

I have heard such stories of miracles. Of life, love, death, ambition, career, and love again. Hearing every story warmed the cockles of my heart, and made me feel that tiny seed of hope. Hope germinated within me that my miracle was waiting round the corner. Waiting for the right time to show up, and make it all ok. Make me believe once again that life is a wonderful, wonderful journey to be savoured with each moment of each day. When darkness falls however, I falter and question this blind faith. Is it that I am too naive to accept the bleakness and the starkness of reality? That I prefer to hang on to the illusion of happiness and the concept of happily ever after, than to face logic and reason? And does that make me the village idiot? To be ridiculed and made fun off, to be raved and ranted at, to be shaken and told that it was impossible. How could it be impossible, if there was a sliver of doubt? A tiny ray of sunshine escaping from a dark room. So although there is darkness all around me, I hope for light. Through the pain, and the hurt, I hope for a particular smile, a sardonic shake of the head, and a mischievous grin. Hope that I wake up to sunny skies, and am told that the darkness was a bad dream. I hope for a miracle.

No hope left

2011-04-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

When darkness falls, deep and swift,

Fear creeps in, an icy drift.

A lonely tree stands tall,

Its leaves have withered, it is fall.

The tree looks barren, naked and battered,

Its head held high, its soul shattered.

The heart is mighty, the being frail,

A silent cry, a piercing wail.

The tree, it is bidding its days,

For a time when it won’t have to stay.

Watching seasons from winter to spring,

And wonder what tomorrow would bring.

As it stands dark and bereft,

It knows for sure there’s

no hope left.

Slivers of silver thread

2010-12-23T08:36:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought of the myriad of different connections that you have made. The numerous strands of relationships that tie you to this universe. Spanning the past, the present and the future, this is the reason you belong, here and now and always.

An "always ready to give you a good yell" mother, A "loves you but wants you out of the house" father, A "distant but means well" brother, An "old, grizzly but gives the best hugs" grandmother, the myriad close and not-so-close relatives that include a sweet and sly kid cousin brother, a reminds you of cruella-de-vil aunt, and then there are people you meet who make everlasting impressions...your first crush, the two am friend you no longer talk to but wish you could, the mindless antics with a set of absolute crazies... the indo aryan nazi, the religious south siren, the BB addicted social butterfly, the logical yet whimsical excel queen, the child who grew up, the dainty yet strong snow queen, the irritable and chirpy insect hater , the edwardian lord, the dreamer, the one you never meet but have long conversations with ...and the ones you haven't met yet....

All connected to you in inexplicable ways... like slivers of silver thread- connecting you to earth. Making you feel loved, making you aspire to be better, to go on, to make your failures seem better, and rejoice in your successes... to make life more liveable... Thank You for being part of mine...

WINTER

2010-12-08T02:14:00.000-08:00

Winter's here. Cold and deep,
The land is barren, humanity asleep.
Darkness has fallen, swift as sound,
The silence is deafening all around.

The cold creeps in tendrils, o'er my heart,
I wish I could go back to the start...
To the beginning of our journey together,
To dreams of spending life forever...

But now you are gone and winter has come,
And life is empty without my sun.
I wish my heart would cease to feel,
I wish that reality wasn't real.

I long for warmth, once again,
I hope that I don't go insane.
Waiting and longing for sunshine,
And to feel this cold heart of mine.

Letter to GOD

2010-09-25T02:09:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

I must confess, I have not been one of your greatest supporters. I have laughed and snickered when someone spoke about your miracles, shaking my head at the naivette that makes us human beings want to believe. However, I now write to you, with the hope that there is something in what the world is talking about, when they refer to you.

Forgive my impunity, but I hope that you can do something- anything.

For I need strength. Strength to carry on in my struggle to be a good person. To not let the selfishness of the world turn my heart into ice. To not let the unfairness get to me. To forge ahead on the path that I envisioned for myself. To make a difference, however small. To learn from my mistakes, and to not let setbacks make me want to throw in the towel. To learn when to fight, and when to stay silent. To do one act of kindness everyday. To remain positive, and not get bogged down. To learn to treat everyone equally. To propogate compassion for animals and the environment. To seek happiness in the small joys. To remain a maverick and a minstrel at heart. To be able to express my opinions, but learn to listen as well. To take on the challenges that tomorrow brings, head on. To dream a little everyday.

To never never never give up.

I understand that I cannot ask for the sky, but a small piece would do just fine.

- The soothsayer

Desolation

2010-08-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

One man's passion is another's pain,
Everyone is here for profit and gain.
Honesty & Sincerity cuts no ice,
Am a fool to have thought otherwise.
Broken & battered, unsteady I stand,
Looking for that one outstretched hand.
Wondering when the pain shall subside?
Wondering if it would be better if my conscience died.

Unlearning the corporate code of conduct

2010-07-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

I am sure you have heard this a million times before: - Advertising guru ditches the corporate life to become a farmer, IIM-A graduate leaves a million dollar job in favour of starting a rural start up, Ivy League Scholar takes up a low income teaching job... and so on.

Have you stopped to wonder why increasingly people are moving back to the basics? Why 'successful' people are ditching their $$$$ jobs in favour of the simple life? Why after having climbed the corporate ladder, people suddenly feel they have no-one to share their accomplishments with? Why?

I recently re-read George Orwell's classic "The Animal Farm", and find that a reflection of a microcosm of the farm is present in every office. There is always a Napoleon who assumes total power and commands respect through lies, deceit and treachery. Then there is always a Snowball who might have the greatest vision, but succumbs to the great tide of corruption... then there is Boxer, or rather a series of Boxers who work their hardest till the very end... believing in Utopia and the greater good, until one day, they are nothing more than a statistic, being ticked off a chart. And then there are always the minor characters of the cat, the sheep, Benjamin the Donkey & Moses the Raven...

What is interesting thus is to realise what one's place in the story really is? Are we the hard workers, the yes-men, the work shirkers, the evangelists, the bull dogs, the blind supporters, or the eternal pessimists??- For all of us do find a reflection in the animals of the Manor Farm.

Quite frankly, I am tired of the gibblygook being fed in the name of visions and missions... what pays is to be a mindless pawn who does exactly what the perfect employee in the employee handbook does (and they never even show you the fine print which states that 'having an opinion = insubordination, apolitical = professional suicide, climbing the corporate ladder= kissing tusshy big time, and my personal favourite "The boss is always right!")

Once you have superimposed this simple story on your life, you will realise that 'the greater good' is nothing but the biggest lie that was told to you, over and over again, to make you tow the line.

And it is this realisation that made these people choose a different path, a path in which LIFE is no longer a footnote...

Life is a fairy tale.

2010-07-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Life is a fairy tale. Magic surrounds us. Permeates are very being. Shows slivers of itself in our every day lives. Stolen glances of the one you love. Glimpses of a life you can imagine. The longing in your eyes of what you believe cannot be. The absolute disbelief when something you thought was impossible happens. The soul stirring conversations that last well into the night. The peace and comfort that you find in the arms of a special someone. The laughter and momentary madness. The childishness and giggles. The walks on the beach in the twilight. The dips in the salty sea. Leaving foot prints in the sand. Watching someone sound asleep. The twitching smiles in the corners of your mouth. Magic is all around us. In all of these little actions. It gives us the fuel to believe that everything is good. It is for a reason. But only if you believe- Life is a fairy tale.

A Nation of Extremes

2010-07-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

India- A nation which is proud of its culture, its people, its spirituality and its values. A nation where multiple religions co-exist peacefully (for the most part), and whose democracy as a system of governance is used as a case study, all over the world. However, India is also a nation which is painted in a canvas of extremes. The divide between the rich and the poor, the haves and the have-nots, the optimism of increasing growth rates and the pessimism of consumerism, all add to the starkness of this divide.

2009 has been a year of global economic turbulence, with recession triggering a domino effect, the results of which, were felt the world over. India too felt these tremors, and after a period of gloom, the clockwork started to whir towards growth, signifying cheer on Dalal Street. The dawn of 2010 and the Union Budget have further strengthened this resolve, with the markets nodding their approval on Pranab Da’s ‘aam aadmi’s Budget’. Thus, on paper and the Sensex, India looks firmly set on a path of unprecedented growth, with comparisons of the Indian Tiger vs. the China Dragon being rampant amongst economic circles.

However, this optimism is surely misplaced, as we are thinking of reaching level 10 without the first nine levels having been constructed. The problems that we as a nation face, our extremely basic in nature, and yet we continue to live with it, applauding our resilience, tenacity, and the ‘spirit’ of the undying patriotism of being Indian. Worse still, we choose to blind ourselves and ignore what is blatantly in our faces- basic need fulfillment, which is woefully inadequate.

Look around you, and look hard. Stop and think. Is this what a developing nation or an emerging economy looks like? Look at the garbage, the squalor, the pollution, the lack of infrastructure, the indifference, the lack of work ethics, discipline, education and respect for a fellow human being. Why are we as a nation ok with all of this? Why do we take the sheer amount of bull-shit meted out to us on an average day? Is it that we are ok with things the way they are, or is it that we just don’t care? Why can’t we say that we have had enough and things need to change?

I drive to work everyday, and apart from dodging the now normal amount of pedestrians, cows, auto rickshaws, hand carts & crazy taxi drivers, I am now contending with every route to office being dug up for one project or the other. At one point, Dr. E Moses Road (where my office is), was dug up for 3 different projects (the Mahalaxmi Sky Walk, BMC drain work, and Worli road concretization), making it all most impossible to traverse this 500 meter stretch in less than 20 minutes. Roads to Chembur (where I live), are part of another nightmare with the Mumbai Metro, Mono Rail, Flyovers, and more BMC digging partly blocking each of the 5 different routes that you could think of taking from Worli to Chembur. A journey that should not take more than 40 minutes (accounting for traffic signals which do not follow any TMS), this journey now takes 1.5 hours, one way. That is 3 hours of each day spent in traveling.
Walking on Mumbai roads should be added to the list of most dangerous activities in the world. With no pavements to walk on (since hawkers, beggars, squatters, more digging by BMC/ MMRDA), people have to walk on the roads and dodge an obstacle course with the bet being human life. Add to this the sheer piles of rubbish, excrement and spit that we throw on our roads, and the thought of walking on them will quail even the best of walking enthusiasts.

The levels of pollution in the city are another cause for concern. Air pollution and suspended particulate matter lead to bronchitis and chest congestion, water pollution leads to high levels of water borne diseases, Noise pollution in the form of emphatic honking, all make this one of the worst places to live in. No wonder then that the average rate of life in Mumbai is amongst the lowest in the country at 52.
Corruption and bureaucracy are eating away at our foundations with government projects not seeing the light of day. Delayed projects mean escalation in costs, with kickbacks going into the politicians’ coffers. We need to set a system of governance in place, where responsible parties are held accountable for the projects they undertake.

The apathy that is now synonymous with our people is most prevalent in the white collared corridors of corporate organizations. Long working hours without pay, indifferent, biased and incompetent bosses, hours spent in politics, back stabbing and taking credit for other people’s work, coupled with grossly underpaid and worse still de-motivated employees, is the true emerging picture of professional India. The stress levels in most Indian organizations would never be tolerated elsewhere in the world, and yet we are all ok with being treated like the scum of the earth.

Frankly, I am fed up. Fed up of having to fight for everything everyday. Fed up of wanting to have a decent work and life balance, clean & green transport, hygienic food which is not genetically modified, and fed up for not getting any appreciation for the work & hours I put in. The thought of going back to the basics and living like a farmer seems more and more attractive. I wonder whether life is coming full circle for all of humanity, and whether we shall revert to becoming cave men, having destroyed the planet with our greed and corruption, so that what will be left, will be to fulfill basic needs of food, water & shelter…

Marketing, Mumbai, Mayhem

2008-04-03T04:00:00.000-07:00

Part 1
Travelling around Mumbai is a large part of my job, and it is fascinating to notice intrinsic Marketing Strategies that are as brilliant as they are devious; in the most unlikely places. Marketing is at play, where you least expect it.

- Out of Home Advertising: Long before the marketing gurus discovered the power of outdoor media, Mumbaikars did. Travel in a local train, bus, taxi, or Auto and your nose is most likely to be inches away from an advertisement for crotch diseases, impotency, scrawled numbers promising pleasure and more, miraculous weight reduction centres and what have you! And if you devote as much time to travel as an average Mumbaikar does, then there is no way that you can miss these and even be tempted to call the number (just for kicks). Therefore, Out of Home Advertising at no cost and with manifold returns guaranteed.
Similarly, long before Graffitti became known in India, Spray paint Ads for Bean Bags were the most visible Advertising at no cost, in and around the city.

- Political Warfare: Advertisements for the different political parties are extremely common in the city. They are also extremely illegal and employ the most aggressive strategies to death. Marketing warfare is something that should be learnt from these campaigners whose blitz techniques would leave Hitler ashamed! Rival party posters dissapear overnight, market flooding strategies are in place and one-to-one marketing is broken down into a network that is as precise as it is organised.

- Six Senses Advertising: Long before westerners developed strategies for marketing that would appeal to the six senses of the human being, India had already mastered the same. Almost all religions in India use the six sense perfectly so as to give their devotees an experience that is everlasting. Unique sounds, smells, visuals and other simulants have been used in Mumbai streets to peddle a variety of goods. The Chana Chor Garam wala's unique call, the Bangar wala's calling tune, the bell of the andewala, the churiwala's call, the kulfiwala's stand- All musical and original in their own way, all symbolising a trigger of memories for the recipients, an association that goes beyond the vague ideas and concepts that today's advertising propounds..Advertising that tells you what you have already experienced..

SUNSCREEN- Bazz Lurhman

2007-10-17T02:53:00.000-07:00

One of the most meaningful songs iv ever heard....I hope it inspires you like it did for me...

Ladies & Gentlemen of the class of ’97

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind;

you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….

You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blind side you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up withpeople who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through...Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there. I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.Everybody's free.)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain in-alienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through...Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there. I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be therefor you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody's free.)

A bird in hand and two in the bush....

2007-09-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the inner workings of the mind of an average guy- your average Joe if u may...here are some of the things that iv learned about them:

1. Men like the chase better: Your average Joe would like to aim for a woman who is out of his league. He will do everything in his power to woo her, flatter her, give her gifts, drop hints of his interest in her- go to the extent of telling her he likes her. However, once the girl says yes and starts to show her emotions...boom...thats where it ends for most guys. They start to get bored. They want a change. They want the rush of working towards the next hot chick, the unattainable. It is reminiscent of wild game hunting. Once you hunt the game the rush of the hunt makes it imperitive to hunt again.

2. The friendship route: Once a woman Joe is interested in says she is not interested, Joe will inardvently try the friendship route. He will try and be her 12 am buddy, someone she turns to when she is in trouble. So that she becomes dependant on him. And then, when she is feeling particularly vulnerable is when he will suggest hooking up, playing on her confusion.

3. Of Gifts and dates: The average Joe knows nothing about gifts and significant dates. If he remembers his GF's bday (if), he will rush out and get her the most meaningless memorabilia. This usually translates into chocolates, flowers, soft toys and the u -cannot -go -wrong -with a little drawing...awwwww...its almost as if men have been given 'a list of things to pick at the last minute guide!' Dates never mean anything to most guys. Most men forget Valentines or anniversaries and cover up by saying i dont need a date to tell u that i care. ya right!

4. Flirting: Men- whether married, committed, engaged, to be engaged, or single, love to flirt. And dont feel guilty about it too. They love to engage in the play of eyes, a subtle message or two...and they never mind any extra attention. Never mind who is giving it to them.

5. The 'C' word: Most men run away from the 'C' word- Committment. If possible they would run a marathon in the other direction if the word crops up. The 'C' word immediately sets alarm bells ringing in Joe's head. It means an end to the tom foolery, it means being trapped! And we havent event spoken about the 'M' word yet.

6. Its ok for me but not u: Most men cannot see their girl getting any attention from other guys, except maybe to flaunt that she is his! So, its ok to show off ur GF as a prized possession, but if another guy tries to become friendly with his girl, Joe usually regresses into cave man antics. This is why most men hate any male best friends of their women. A man must guard his territory while being free to enjoy the attention of every other woman u see...

7. No more conversations: Once ur in a relationship with Joe, suddenly it seems like every conversation becomes an effort, any talk about "where we are" is usually met with a "lets not talk about it" or "do we have to!"....or even worse "There is nothing to talk about" reply...

8. Of flatulation/ breaking the wind: Somehow Joe has it in his head that the act of flatulation and burping in front of people is hilarious. And, he will never cease to display the same. And then guffaw about it too!

9. The average Joe always feels that he doesnt fall into any of the eight above mentioned categories!!! :P

Of new beginnings...

2007-08-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

What have I signed up for? I thought as I looked at the scene around me. Standing on a teeming platform at Vapi station while a million eyes watched my every move was pretty disconcerting. The lack of women amongst the crowd added to the feeling of being put under the microscope. The station in itself was as non-descript as they came. Hawkers, Coolies, Gujarati traders, the odd beggar or ten, and animals (stray dogs, rats, cows, did I mention rats?) all jostling for space, the 1 sq feet of place that they called their own. The railway announcements added another hue to the canvas of the great Indian rural in which I found myself in. The latest proclaimed that the Shatabdi Express was going to be delayed by an hour. I groaned and thanked my ‘lucky’ stars for placing me in this place at this time. I walked to the vendor selling coffee and bought myself a cup. The short distance to the vendor felt like an eternity when people followed your every move. I might as well have been dressed in a clown costume for all this was worth. The coffee was passable, but it brought me to another place, another time.
Coffee under the moonlight, surrounded by a cluster of trees and a comfortable chair, with music in the background and a raging debate on the superiority of Kieslowski’s films took away from the fact that it was 4 am. Chotta had always been the place where people could do just that and more. MICA does that to you. It makes you feel as if you are stuck in a time warp- a different world in which the outside world- with its politics, chaos, and the regular 9 to 5 clockwork routine is a distant reality. MICA exists like a mirage in the desert, real for the time you are in it and an illusion for when you are not. It is amazing how much we packed into the 24 hour day at MICA. Assignments, projects, classes, walks around campus, sport, music, hobbies, committee work, festivals, movies, dining out…the list was endless. Sleep was the only casualty to the time spent in living our life just the way we wanted to, getting the maximum possible from each day. Once you step outside of this haven however, stepping back into the real world is not an easy transition. What hits you the most is the routine. A fixed time to do everything. From sleeping, eating, waking up, work and back, the same cycle continues for the entire week, with weekends being the only relief. Suddenly, the real world and its problems swirl around you, voices silently screaming at you to listen. It is moments like these that make you want to escape, escape back to MICA and its idiosyncrasies.
The blast of a horn jolted me out of my reverie. As the train glided into the platform, I slung my backpack and walked to my compartment. Visiting factories to follow up on vendors who supplied apparel to my company was a job I wished I did not have to do. But cross-functional training meant that I had to do a stint in every department of the fashion house I worked for. And that meant visiting factories in places such as Silvassa, Tirupur (Tamil Nadu) and even Ludhiana as part of the merchandising stint. The life of a management trainee was not one that afforded a choice of where you wanted to be. You were given orders and you followed those to a tee. You went where you were told to go- big cities, small towns, far flung villages. Your individuality was something that did not exist anymore. And then it hit me. I had turned into one of the million rats who went about zombie-like, doing their job, always crawling toward bigger positions and better salaries, achieving goals and quarterly targets…Was this a new beginning or the end of a chapter in my life that I wish had never ended...

In the morrow...

2007-07-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

I wish i was someone else...in another world, another dimension, another reality, I wish i did not have to wake up everyday to face a sea of unknown people, I wish i had someone to come home to, I wish i could feel a sense of belonging, a sense of contentment and a sense of completeness. I wish tomorrow would bring me all of this...and if it cant, then i wish id remain suspended in the world of my dreams..where everything is how i want it to be.

Idle-ville

2007-06-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

So here I am, sitting at the comp, looking at things that i could do to pass my time...Its been 2 months since MICA got over, and after the initial sadness, weariness and nostalgia, boredom set in....and how! My life nowadays revolves around sleeping, sleeping and some more sleeping...You can never get enough of it really! In between sleeping bouts, I surf the net, watch sitcom re-runs and read books that Iv probably read a million times before...If im really feeling adventurous, I do some sketching or photoshopping...then its back to ol snoreville...My partner in crime so-to-speak, is my 2 year old pet Lab Tiramisu- She and I are like minded souls with not a care in the world...All around me, people have a sense of purpose...they know exactly what they are doing...working to support families, realising their passions, protecting the Tigers, saving the world etc. while I lounge around looking for somebody to watch the new Pirates with...I tell myself that this is the only time in life when I wont be responsible for the welfare of another human being...not that I need justifications to be a slob...Would I be happier if I was knee deep in muck, giving my two bits to conservation I wonder...?

Shine on...

2007-03-15T02:55:00.000-07:00

Starry night, Oh! so bright,
I wish i was a star tonight.

Far away from the earth below,
In solitude, so my thoughts would flow.

Flowing beauty like a stream,
Hope noone wakes me from this dream.

I dream big, I dream far,
Maybe one day, Il be that star...

HOPE...

2007-03-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

Hope burns bright in the recesses of my mind,
For that elusive someone, who is hard to find.

In this jouney we call life,
Why does there have to be so much strife?

So much grief, so much sorrow,
Wondering if there ever will be tomorrow?

But something inside me shouts & screams,
That never give up on your dreams.

It may seem that darkness surrounds you,
But Sunshine will come one day. It is true.

Find the truth in your heart,
With your beliefs, never part.

For hope is the strongest of all feeling,
And without it, life has no meaning....

Is there such a thing as redemption?

2007-01-16T06:52:00.000-08:00

I don’t think so. How would you then explain the fact that a person who has wronged you in the worst possible way, is happy while you are left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life? How do you explain that your best friend puts her interests before justice? How would you explain how sinners live a carefree life? How someone who has caused you such immense pain can look at the mirror every morning and not feel ashamed? And how do you explain how someone you loved could not care less whether you lived or died?

Sounds like a bunch of rants but I see it everyday. Try being in my shoes and see it happen to you on a daily basis. Try feeling the absolute despair and experience the unfairness of what life is meting out to you. And try to then understand what belief in karma means…

I question fate. I question destiny. And I question redemption.

Winter hibernation...

2007-01-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

It is a cold winter post-dusk evening at Mica...The cool air manages to seep in through the layers of woollens and chill you to the very bone. With placements looming over my head like the proverbial sacrificial sword, the cold seems to be almost a way to numb oneself to the more pressing questions of the future. Its amazing how so many varied and utterly nonsensical thoughts swirl through my head at any given point of time. Thoughts about the people that you have spent the last one and a half years loving, hating or ignoring. About the fact that your closest friend is now pegged against you for the job that you may give anything to get. I find myself questioning the so called 'passion' with which I entered the Mican dream. Will any of this even matter when I am a doddering old lady I wonder? What of this experience will still linger on in the recesses of my mind? Who are the people I shall think about once I leave? Love, hate, anger, exasperation, frustration, sadness, irritation...all linked to people around me. Maybe I just end up thinking too much. As I near the end of my stay at Mica the feeling of not wanting to leave and also looking forward to leaving is almost a constant. Each placement ppt makes me realise the fact that we are getting closer and closer to leaving. One chapter of my life is ending and i so dont want it to end. But then I do too. I dont because Mica is a secluded haven. Away from civilisation, it is a vibrant community that has shown me a life I never knew existed. And I want to go because I seek to escape. Escape painful memories with people I wish I had never met. Escape memories that I would like to forget. And escape to be free...to fade into an unknown oblivion...................................

Justaju...

2006-09-19T01:16:00.000-07:00

(writing something in hindi for the first time out here...)

Na Dil mein hain dastak koi,
Na man mein kuch ehsaas hain

Ye jism ek pinjar bana,
Aur tanhayee ka hain saath mila

Zindagi tera matlab hain kya?
Ye pucha humne sabse,

Zindagi tere dar par humme,
Rusvayee ke siva aur kuch na mila....

Existentiality:

2006-09-13T03:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gotten up one day and felt like not living anymore? Have you thought of whether it would make a difference for anybody whether you were here or not? Have you looked around you and tried to imagine a scenario where you no longer exist? Looking around you, the birds would still sing, the grass would still be green, the peacocks would still strut, and the dopey guy next door would still blast his music. Nothing would ever change. Your friends will become used to you not being there. And life would move on. It is an eerie thought this. The fact that you have not made a difference in anybody’s life. And that nothing would change if you did vanish from the face of the earth. And then it hits you. Your existence for the past 23 years has been without purpose. Have you achieved anything in your life? And have you made an impression or touched anybody else’s heart. Have you made someone want you around? Have you made someone want to take care of you till the end of time? Have you found the one person in whose eyes you will find the meaning of your life? If you haven’t, then you are just one of those faceless shapes that flit around aimlessly. There is no point in your existence.

Memories

2006-08-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

Life is an endless journey. A journey that we begin once we come into our own. Once we realise our essence and our individuality. Once we truly accept who we are and look at the possibilities of what we can become. We then start setting goals for ourselves. From little things like getting a prefect’s badge to bigger things like getting into an institute you have been dreaming about, the goals get bigger and bigger. Once each attempt has been deemed a success or a failure, we move on to the next one. It is the adrenaline of looking forward to something, which keeps us going. We need a meaning, a purpose and a cause to strive for. The rush that you feel when something goes right is like no other. And the immense pain when it doesn’t makes you learn to try harder till you get it right. At every stage, each person is faced with a crossroad. He must choose where he wants to go. The intricate web of each path is interwoven with our own individual destinies. At every instance in life, our destinies cross with those of other people’s. Every contact leaves us with something that is indelible. A gesture, a quirk, a characteristic and emotions related to each of these gives rise to memories.

The Tag that rebounded

2006-05-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

(After trying my best and succeeding a wee bit to make a morose serpent feel better about the world in general, the Tag has rebounded on me. And after all those subtle reminders by Elver, here I am with the 10 things that make my world a better place)

Family and Friends (including my dog): Family is what keeps you grounded at the end of the day. They make you feel that you belong- somewhere. They love you no matter what you do and stick by you when everything else is lost. Friends on the other hand are base on which you build your future. And my dog because she loves me unconditionally, looks at me as if I am the centre of her world and just melts my heart with her soulful eyes.
Books: Books are the key to a different world. I have been a voracious reader ever since I can remember. Fantasies of a magical world, or a bitter story that was untold, books enable me to escape from the drudgeries of a routine world.
Chocolates and Coffee: Two of my most favourite things in the world. I can live on just both of these!
Love: What would the world be without love? Love in any form makes this world a worthwhile to live in. Therefore this list cannot be complete without it. Nor can the world- be complete that is.
Pristine beaches/ Snow capped mountains: Running wild on a pristine beach or looking at the majestic mountains. Can it get more beautiful?
Rainy days/ winter nights: Rainy days in Mumbai or winter nights in Ahmedabad. Both transform the city. Getting wet in the rain or snuggling in a blanket in winter nights makes for good poetry:)
Sleeping and dreaming: Sleeping and dreaming. Two things i cant live without.
Memories of magical moments: Moments in the past, memories of tomorrow. of walking around in Koregaon park or talking all night long, memories light up my soul.
Music : Music that touches chords in my heart. What would life be without a song and dance? :P
My cooking: Call it goulash if you will...

To pass the tag on I Tag:
- Bugs
- Vipin (when he does visit my blog)
- Quintessence (from PG)

Nothingness...

2006-03-16T05:44:00.000-08:00

(This poem was written during the rare moments when the poet had nothing better to do but stare into nothingness...mind you these moments are rare...extremely rare!)

Staring into space, and the nothingness of time…
As the world goes by; doesn’t give a dime,

Waiting for another day to pass by,
Only to ask the question, ‘Why?’

Why are we here?
What purpose do we serve?

Why is she better than me?
Oh, she has some nerve!

Tomorrow dawns on me,
In a fresh and dewy kind of way,

As the first rays of sunshine spill across my face,
There is nothing left to say…

Time moves on while I stand still,
Still searching for answers, and also the will…

The will to go on, to not give in,
To fight till the very end; To finally win.

What is love?

2006-03-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to get to the bottom of this one for a long time now, but haven’t yet been able to get a satisfactory answer. Nonetheless I trudge on with a weariness that makes me almost cynical. Growing up on a host of sordid books that claimed that true love would come and sweep you off your feet, I waited for my knight in shining armour to come and rescue me from the clutches of an unfair world. Sounds dramatic eh? But that’s exactly how I perceived it to be. Waiting endlessly did not work (well obviously.. :P) and so I decided to take matters into my own hands…

I thought if love doesn’t find me, I shall! Therefore, off I went on the lookout for that elusive being who would love me. And then, it happened. At the age of 13 I looked at my brother’s friend and fell in love. Or so I thought. I looked at him coyly and started stuttering crazily whenever I met him. I started looking for hints in what could only have been mundane conversations and convinced myself that he had feelings for me too. I built up an entire story in my head about us living happily ever after. Until of course my parents found out. They decided that I was much too young to have an infatuation and I was severely reprimanded for behaving in a manner that was too big for my shoes (wonder where that came from).

So, I stopped thinking about this particular guy but vowed to myself that my parents would not come to know of my feelings for anyone henceforth. And so it stayed. My junior years at college passed without incident until I reached Degree College. In my first few days in college itself I saw someone who literally made my world stop. Everything around me went hazy when I looked at him and things started moving slower than ever. I am not kidding when I say that everything took on an ethereal quality. So much so that I thought I had made him up (considering the fact that noone could find him). I found out later on that he was studying in another course. To cut a long story short, the stuttering, wild beating heart, and the nervousness all came back with a vengeance and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to talk to him. However, I did see him go out with someone else and decided to put love on the back burner again.

Strangely enough, I started doubting what love actually was. After all, on both occasions I hardly knew the guys and to say I loved them would be really silly. Therefore, I decided that love could be developed. So I started seeing people and relationships came and went. But love? I was not so sure.

Now after a string of relationships, once again I feel my heart beat, the craziness of wanting that something to happen engulf me once more and I ask myself? Love? Nah…I don’t think so…;)

FROM CHAOS TO ……CHAOS?

2005-12-29T10:21:00.000-08:00

(After a sabbatical of 4 months am back with the longest post iv ever written...Hope u read it till the end.)

The days, weeks and months have flown on a whirlwind of activity. It seems like yesterday that I first stepped into a world that was so cut off from reality- Mica. Second term at Mica, as somebody warned us, was the one with the most fun! Micanvas, Sankalp, and other extra curriculars were all crammed into one term making it the one with the most sleepless nights ever recorded in pgp-1’s history! As we looked at the schedule for second term, we wondered just how we were going to get any studying done.

First up was Micanvas, our inter B-school fest that attracted participation from B-schools all over the country. 3 days of undiluted learning intermingled with the right amount of creativity and entertainment made the perfect combination. Unprecedented preparation included looking after the slightest details, and a mind boggling logistical network; pens, ids, folders, markers, beds, pillows, transport and what not! 3 days in which the best minds in the country competed with each other equipped with an undefeatable spirit. 3 whole days in which Mica rocked to the music of Parikrama and the Unlike No ones (Mica’s very own band), to the theatrics of Evam and the party thrown by Trinetra- this was replete with foot tapping music and Cold Coco! The end result: Insomnia, bloodshot eyes and a contented heart for your average Mican.

Then the Diwali break arrived, which saw most pgp-1’s heading back to their homes to spend the festival of lights with family. But not this particular group of women (me included of course!), who had the crazy idea of jetting off to Diu to spend Diwali by the Arabian Sea (almost sounds like a song ;)… So, how do most people spend their vacation at a new place? Exploring all the touristy places and sightseeing temples and old forts maybe… But not us, we went there for sleep, sand, shells and the sun…in that precise order! That is not to say that we did not enjoy ourselves, to the contrary we came back looking like Cheshire cats who had just siphoned off all the cream…*sigh*

While my mind still lay in the golden sand of Diu, my reverie was broken with endless assignments that poured in from every possible direction. Suddenly, life did not seem so beautiful, what with Economics, Ethics and other ‘E’ subjects latching on to us with a vengeance. After what seemed like some more endless-sleepless nights, we settled in to accept the vagaries of faith and the rut of a repetitive routine. However, all that was about to change.

Sankalp had started to make its presence felt. Sankalp- the annual theatrical presentation of Mica was ready to go forward on all cylinders fired. So, with the help of one of the biggest cast & crews ever, ‘Suraj Ka Saatwan Ghoda’, which was this year’s play, was born. Now our days were spent looking at Brochure, Poster, and Ticket designs, visualizing the final look and basically thinking laterally and pretending to look busy! Creatives at Sankalp was an experience far removed from anything I had ever done before. Seeing the designs in my head actually emerging in print form was just exhilarating! Those days also brought back memories of the time I spent in an ad agency quibbling with the creatives over commas and full stops. Only, I was on the other side this time and someone else was doing the quibbling (a case of coming full circle indeed!). Creatives however, was just a small part in the mega scheme of things, creatives did not make the play, it was made by the actors, the story and the direction. All of which melded together to give Ahmedabad three whole days of entertainment unlimited. It also gave us some more sleepless nights (that goes without saying I guess).

Sankalp had just gotten over when we realized that we wouldn’t be stepping out of the classroom for a long long long time. Portions had to be completed and the admin office was ensuring that it would literally be knocked into our heads, by hook or by crook. So it came that a very tired bunch of first years trudged in to class and got imprisoned in the world of the GDP, SLR, CRR, and what not (understanding/not understanding? Not understanding of course!) But the term and its breakage of routine was not over yet.

We suddenly found out that we had been short listed for a marketing competition at FMS Delhi. So there I found myself traveling across India to Delhi for a 4 day visit packed with loads of traveling and little sleep. Intense competition from a ‘Demon’ from IIM Indore and the team from MDI saw us finishing 3rd, losing out by our flawed pricing strategy. However, Delhi itself was an experience to remember, as I was visiting the city after eons and lapped in the colours and sights that it had to offer. We returned to Ahmedabad a little wiser about under pricing and over spending (damn should have stayed awake in those pricing sessions!) but not with defeated souls!

As soon as we landed at Mica, the prospects of the exams loomed over us. Imagine an exam when you have not even looked at the book forget skimming through its contents. So we had the mighty task of achieving gold medals in speed reading with maximum retention (like that was ever going to happen), and emerging unscathed. All I can say after this was that I survived two terms at Mica.

What with the second term finally over after the killer exams (although we all hail a collective sigh of relief at no more economics or quant…yeah!) and the insaneness of the schedule that we kept in the last few months, we said goodbye to each other and stepped back into the ‘civilised’ world.

Anguish and Despair

2005-08-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

My mind it wonders about tomorrow,
And all the joy and the sorrow.

My heart it sighs with a lot of grief,
Oh! What I'd do for blessed relief.

The turmoils that twist inside me,
For something that can never be.

Leads to anguish and despair,
For a bond beyond repair.

Standing at the point of no return,
The Chasm of fire still burns.

The boulevard of dreams fulfilled...

2005-08-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

As the initial exhilaration wears off, its time to settle down. The daily routine works with clockwork precision, with a time assigned to everything, even thinking! The changing seasons usher in a metamorphosis that makes one wonder at the beauty of nature. Everyday is an experience, an exploration and an adventure. Peacocks, cranes, langoors, and the odd scorpion or snake or two add to the kaleidoscopic canvas of life at Mica. These interspersed with impromptu jigs; inter batch clashes in volleyball and football and our own batch-band performances ensure that boredom doesn’t set in. Add to that, the endless walks around campus or treasure chest (a resort just outside campus), tennis sessions and sketching in the serenity of the amphitheatre, and we have a heady concoction in our hands.

Mica allows one to just be. Be yourself and believe in who you are. It ensures that we let go of the baggage that we end up carrying in the urban jungle. It enables you to hone your talents and experience a life like no other. Far from the commotion and madness of the corporate world, Mica feels like an oasis in the middle of a parched and dry desert. It also, makes one wonder whether the rat race at the end of it all is even worth it. But then, life here also teaches you about cut throat competition. The undercurrent of one upmanship is subtle but surely there. Project submissions and presentations are the perfect place to realize that you are surrounded by a set of equally brilliant individuals and that you will have to work just a little harder to keep from going under. And make no bones about the fact that the professors are here to ensure that we are kept on our toes. Project briefs at the eleventh hour are so common that eyebrows aren’t even raised in surprise anymore. Projects at 3 in the morning are everyday occurrences. No wonder then, that we have all turned into compulsive insomniacs…This is life at Mica!

Mica- an experience.......

2005-07-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

Surrounded on all sides by heaven,
With a mood as black as a raven,
What do i call it but an irony,
My soul has finally been set free...

Noone to share paradise,
Just the jealousy and the lies,
Intense emotions catch me unawares,
I need somebody who cares...

Just cant comprehend what i feel,
Keep asking myself, is this for real?
I'v finally got what i always wanted,
But now that i have it, i feel daunted.

New relationships and bonds to share,
True friendships are always so rare,
Everyone still testing the sea,
Am in too deep, just let me be.

Need something beyond the frivolous,
Am i being just too obvious?
A leap of faith is what i'v taken,
Will my beliefs now be shaken?

Only time will tell what i need to know,
Till then i shall just be a part of the show.
My dream fulfilled, my goal achieved,
Destiny awaits me with open arms...............

For Parinita...

2005-06-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

ANGEL FACE

As people go, she was almost angelic
With her innocence and a face so child like

Her gentle ways belied a fire
That raged inside her, her hearts desire...

To succeed in life, to climb the peak
To stand up on her own, without being meek

Capturing emotions was her passion
Whether it was wilderness or fashion

A woman of substance is what she was
With an exhuberance that went on without a pause

A person who I can proudly call a friend
A bond i know will never end

I will always wish her the best in life
As a friend, a mother or a wife

I know she has many roles to play
And countless demons more to slay

My Angel face you will succeed.............

Once upon an Elver.....

2005-05-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

The character sketch of the unassuming Elver.

It was as mornings go, quite the usual. Against the wishes of a lazy mind, body and soul, i dragged myself right across the city to the Mica Gd and Pi. The day started off drably getting positively worse by the minute. From 8 in the morning we were all hustled into a room and left there on our own. But this post isnt about the Mica Gd and Pi. It is about the person i met there. Around 2 in the afternoon, a quiet guy came up to me and asked if i was karishma. I thought he was Bugs the bunny who promised to be there with carrots in his hands. But, it was Jormund Elver. I vaguely remembered him from the forums. But the person before me was quite the antithesis of his posts. A reserved person by nature with a brooding quality that intrigued me.

A person who was equally in love with mysticism, mythology and fantasy. I have always felt that my mind had the quality to spin effective tales. To wander off on quests of its own and live in a surreal world. And here was someone who was exactly the same, if not more in a world of his own. An animated discussion followed with Elver citing Viking philosophy and me of course Greek. One of the weirdest conversations for a third person to overhear i bet.

The feeling that you can instantly connect to a person was really strong with Elver. To be on the same wavelength with someone feels awesome and here we were, meeting for the very first time and it felt like we knew each other already.

It was such a relief to meet someone with a depth that was facinating. Not like the nitwits with whom a conversation is reaped in artificial and inane discussions. Most of the time, we keep up appearances, a mask of geniality. Of pretense and a desperate desire to conform. Elver shatters these notions.

I recently read his story-the lost girl on his blog. The story instantly engrosses you, captivating you into the world of Elver. It gives you insights into his life and his thinking.

It has enthralled me to know the person behind it. How much of the story is true and how much is fiction...one may never know..But what i do know is that Elver must certainly write more.

I hope things work out for you Elver...sincerely.

Kari

Endless.......

2005-05-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

Endless night, endless life......

Endless war, endless strife.

Noises of children crying,

Blood curdling screams of people dying.....

What do we achieve in the end?

When a helping hand we cannot lend

We call ourselves humane,

When none of us are sane...

All of us contribute to violence,

By sitting here in silence...

Watching this endlessness grow

How can we stoop so low?

Endless nigt, Endless life,

Endless war, Endless strife......

2005-05-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

a portrait........

2005-04-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

A running Horse that I drew